misterbrief | 6th Taunt

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6th Taunt | Video

[It's been a few days since Father's Day. And he got a really nice surprise from his daughter that he never thought possible. Bulla training and honing her skills and power, it really meant something to him; so he's flipping his journal open now since Luceti played a large part of it. He's not even angry this time.]

It's come to my attention that a good number of you had a hand in the gift I received over the weekend. I will say I'm impressed- the lot of you have done the impossible with my daughter Bulla and it most certainly paid off. So for that...[His voice trails off, since saying these sorts of things isn't exactly natural to him.] For that I am grateful. I know a good portion of the time we are safe inside this barrier, but you must understand that I worry for her safety regardless.

So I suppose this is the part where I ask something else not so specific. The gift I received was for your Earthling holiday Father's Day. I've never put much stock in such things, but this last weekend certainly has changed my mind about it a little. Is this something you also observe in your own worlds? And if so, what is it that you've done or would do that you would consider worthy of your father?

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We pay them what they're owed. So the only discussion happens right in the restaurant. [Cuz Vegeta's family is loaaaaaded]

If you're going to advertise 'all-you-can-eat', you should be prepared for the consequences.

[Daria's family is not. They're not hurting, but they're definitely not wealthy. It takes her a moment to imagine funding the all-you-can-eat if Vegeta took it at its word the way he's saying.]

Where does all the food go? [He's not exactly flabby. At all.]

What do you mean where does it all go? It's eaten. Saiyans need far more nourishment than humans. And when you show up to a restaurant with one full-blooded Saiyan and two half-Saiyans, food tends to disappear.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention- I'm an alien. [He sort of spits out the word alien with a little disgust. He's not horribly fond of being considered one but the fact still remains no matter how he goes about it that he is one.]

[An alien to join the fairies and wizards and lions and tigers and bears. Got it.

You know. Nothing people tell her surprises her these days, her flat expression seems to say.]

You must work it all off flying through space.

I work it off by training everyday. [Her consistent flat tone is starting to get to him a little bit. He's never met anyone who talks like this, and he doesn't really know what to think about it.]

[She can't help the way she was made. Though the voice has been known to make little old ladies near suicidal to get away from it at the nursing home...

It was the school's fault for making them all volunteer, really.]

You must be in pretty good shape, then. Football?

Why don't we take that one step further and say fighting to the death. I'm afraid I wouldn't be allowed to play Earthling sports even if I cared enough to try. I believe they'd call me a cheater. [How they let Yamcha play baseball without getting called out is beyond him. But Yamcha probably restrains himself much better than Vegeta would.]

Besides, if those sports are as boring to play as they are to watch then count me out.

[Right. Still pegging him as a Kevin type now, a Kevin type being the school quarterback and all-around jock. The brainless jock type, to be more specific.]

So you're one of those mixed martial arts guys? [Yeah, mostly ignoring the whole to-the-death thing, because she's pretty sure most people say that just to sound cool. Even the ones who could probably do it if they joined the army.]

[Good thing he's a lot smarter than a jock then huh?] If that's what it is that you Earthlings call it, then yes. Though I'd say my job is a little more important than just fighting for the sake of a trophy.

[He likes tournaments and all but...there's bigger problems.]

I'm all for ring-side seats to the gladiatorial arena, but I think you might be taking it a bit far to call it any more important than anything else people are going to watch on TV. Or the coliseum.

That's not what I was talking about. But then, I wouldn't expect you to understand that. [Humans, don't they get anything at all?]

Really. So what did you mean, then?

Tch. Imagine something so powerful coming to your planet that, if left unchecked, would destroy it. Not a single trace of dust remaining in the emptiness of space, your race lost to the memory of time.

My job is to prevent that. [He swears if she calls him a superhero he'll just crush the nearest thing within reach of him.]

[Sorry, Vegeta...]

So you're calling yourself Superman.

[Not quite the right superhero, but it's probably bad enough.]

Did it occur to you that it's not very likely one person, even if they're pretty remarkable, is going to be very effective against something like that?

[He grabs the table in front of him in anger and it starts to crack beneath the pressure of his fingers.] I don't know who this Superman is but if that's your world's comparison for it, then yes. [Except Superman could totally kick your ass, Vegeta.]

And for your information I've managed just fine in the past. [Not the whole truth but he's not going to admit to that. Pride, you see.]

He's pretty famous back in Lawndale. [And America. And worldwide, really. She's a bit surprised someone is saying they've never heard of him, despite the claim of separate worlds.] He came from another planet, too.

Oh great, does he also have spiky black hair to compensate for the lack of a brain with an insatiable appetite too? [Alternate universes aren't foreign to Vegeta. For all he knows, she could just be describing Kakarot with a different name.]

It's black, alright. But the style is more 'good old American boy'. [By which she means short and neat rather than spiky and unchanging. Still could be him with a haircut, probably.]

That would be helpful if I knew what 'American' meant. I'm not from your world, remember?

It's a country. I have the misfortune of being from one of its small towns. Until I can move out, anyway.

Again, all you're doing is telling me things that don't exist where I'm from. We don't have 'countries' on Earth in my universe. I assume this is an area you reside in, and that's all I'm getting out of that.

I don't really have any way to know just what you think your reality has or not. So don't come at me if I assume you should know some pretty basic things.

[Even Kevin probably dimly realizes the world is split into separate countries. U.S.A. being the best, he'd shout loud enough, of course.]

It's only basic for your existence. We have a king, and he rules the planet Earth. And he's not even a human. Don't ask me how that came to be.

He probably doesn't do a worse job than some of the leaders I know.

[Daria's faith in politics, let her show you it.]

Doesn't it seem a bit weird to you that someone supposedly rules a whole planet though?

Absolutely not. That dog rules Earth and my father ruled ours, so it's not surprising to me in the least.

6th Taunt | Video

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